Self Esteem Articles

What Are The Symptoms of Low Self Esteem and How Do They Affect Your Relationships and Other Important Parts of Your Life?
By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

If there's anything that we know for sure about relationships and life, it's the fact that low self-esteem can certainly wreck them. If you have low self-esteem, you have trouble opening yourself to others. If you can't open to others to allow them to connect with you, you are building walls that keep people at a distance and there's no way that you can get the love or anything else that you want in your life.

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So what are the symptoms of low self-esteem and how does it wreck relationships?

Here are 8 symptoms of low self-esteem and how you can make some changes in your life:

1. Not spending very much time living in the present moment
If you are constantly, worrying about the future or regretting the past, you are not living in and enjoying your present moment. Those with low self-esteem issues have trouble feeling like they deserve happiness in the present moment so they constantly stay in and relive the past or futurize various outcomes that may or may not ever come about. When the urge to leave the present moment happens, pull yourself back into the present by deepening your breathing. When you focus on your breathing, you cannot escape to the past or future but rather stay in the present.

2. Always wanting something you don't have or something that's out of reach
When someone has a great dissatisfaction with their life and it seems that what they want is just out of reach, there are probably low self-esteem issues lurking underneath. Believe it or not, getting what you want in life begins with being appreciative of what you have and what you've been given. Switch your attention to gratitude to begin your healing process and see what happens.

3. Doing things to undermine your success or the success you thing you should be having
Do you constantly find that as soon as you achieve any kind of success, you do something to mess it up? That's a sure sign that somewhere inside you, you don't feel that you deserve to be successful. Make note of how you are sabotaging yourself and stop yourself for habitually doing those things. We know that it sounds easy but difficult to do but if you decide that it's important, at least start by becoming aware of how you are sabotaging yourself.

4. Putting yourself down and making comments, even in your mind, like "I don't deserve..." or "I'll never have ..."
Pay attention to your self-talk. If it is a constant stream of negativity, know that you need to address your low self-esteem issues. One of the first places to do that is by monitoring your self-talk and changing it to something more positive that you can believe. You can use the phrase "Up until now..." to help you to see possibilities that are more positive.

5. Avoiding real intimacy
People who have low self-esteem have problems opening to and connecting with others on a deep level. They don't feel "good enough" and feel that if the other person finds out who they truly are, all love will be lost. There's usually a lot of fear about opening up to other people-maybe they were hurt or abandoned in past relationships and fear that if they open themselves, they will only be hurt again. There's the thought that for what ever reason "I can never have love." If you are avoiding real intimacy for whatever reason, take it as a sign that you need to look at how you are feeling about yourself.

6. Busyness-Always keeping busy so you don't have to look at your underlying self esteem issues and challenges
Often times people will low self-esteem issues keep busy so that they don't have deal with feelings that they keep hidden. If you are a "do-er" and are constantly busy but not truly happy, start looking at what you are trying to suppress with your "busyness."

7. Job-Hopping
People with low self-esteem can be restless and this feeling of uneasiness or restlessness can create a feeling within them that "the grass is always greener on the other side." While you and I know that this isn't true, the person with low self esteem is always on the lookout for a reason as to why their life isn't working out the way they would like. They look outside of themselves without realizing that their low self-esteem is the thing that is causing their feeling of uneasiness.

8. Addictions
Addictions of any kind-whether food, alcohol, drugs, sex, spending money or to an emotion like anger-are usually signals to address low self-esteem issues. When we have addictive behavior, we are just trying to feel better. We have convinced ourselves, usually on an unconscious level, that whatever we have chosen for our addiction will help us to feel better. We cover up uncomfortable feelings with the addictive behavior and for a few brief moments, we might actually feel better. Instead, of staying with our uncomfortable feelings and changing our lives, addictive behaviors bypass the whole growth process. If you are finding that you are addicted to something that is not healthy for you, consider what information your addiction is hiding from you. When you discover that, you'll have a place to begin healing low self-esteem

If you can identify with any of these symptoms of low self-esteem, we suggest that you begin today to start your healing process. If you do, your life will improve and you'll find that there is more love and joy in it than you ever felt was possible.



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