Relationship Articles

Forgiveness Opens the Heart
By Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC

It is springtime, the season of renewal and rebirth. The harshness of the winter is receding and in its stead is the awakening, the greening, the softening of the earth. Life is becoming more fluid and easy as we shed our coats and welcome the gentling of the air, the warming of the sun.

This same shift from the hardness of the frozen earth, to the softening of the dirt allowing itself to be planted, can occur within ourselves. We can open our hearts, hardened by judgments, through the graceful action of forgiveness.

When we judge, we are positioned in againstness, holding firm for our opinion, polarizing our thoughts in right/wrong thinking. In this hardness of thought we become impenetrable to input, no seeds can be planting, no shifting can occur. There is no other way to perceive the situation. Nothing can grow.

What triggers our judgment is the interpretation that we place on an event. Something happened and it was wrong. Either I did the wrong or someone else did the wrong. Somewhere, somehow our standards were violated.

When we judge we are no longer at peace. We are arguing with what is, we have moved into againstness. We become rigid and entrenched.

We can choose to soften by entering into forgiveness. We forgive, and let go of judgments, because LIFE IS THE WAY IT IS, rather than the way I want it to be, or expect it to be, or insist that it be. And in accepting what is, we can move with it, embrace it, create from it.

Forgiveness opens us to our essence. New seeds can be planted and growth and learning can take place.

When we forgive we let go of againstness and move to acceptance. In doing so we create an inner environment of peace.

We don't learn from anything by judging it. All we do is reinforce an opinion that is limiting. We open to learning through forgiveness.

We forgive to empower ourselves. If the thought of someone triggers you in to an upset place then that person has power over you. You've given them that power. Forgiveness moves us back to our true power.

Judgment, blame, resentment are actions that withhold. Forgiveness is an action of giving. We become FOR the action of GIVING. And what we give is love.

There is a passage in the bible: "Forgive and thou shalt be forgiven." What does this mean? Let's play with the passage, using our new definition of forgiveness. "Give love and thou shalt be given love." Well, how does that happen? When I choose to give loving, I move myself to the place where loving lives inside of me. And in that moment, it's instantaneous, I am experiencing loving.

Forgiveness will thaw the hardness of our againstness and open us to the energy of Loving, which is the essence of who we really are.

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Leslie Karen Sann, MA, LCPC, is the founder of Living by Design. Since 1986, Leslie has supported thousands of people in creating greater harmony and fulfillment in their lives while achieving their personal and professional best. Through personal and professional coaching, workshops, and print articles, she assists people to produce results, discover their value and realize their dreams. She also publishes a free bi-monthly newsletter designed to motivate and inspire people to live a life of their own design  http://www.living-bydesign.com for more info.

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