Personal Growth Planet Blog

During my high school and undergraduate years, I remember looking forward to being a full-fledged adult. Part of the allure of getting older was the promise of no longer caring about what others think of me.

Now that I am most certainly a “full-fledged” adult, I am a bit disappointed to see that this desire for acceptance and approval has not magically evaporated. It’s still there even if it takes different forms and is mellower (at times).

I’ve heard plenty of people claim that a benefit of growing older is that you don’t care what anyone else thinks about you anymore. Unfortunately, I have not found that to be true in my experience.

This time of year there’s generally a lot of advice being offered about how to stick with your New Year’s resolutions and how to make changes. I’ve joined in and blogged about this topic in the past few weeks too.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with noticing something about your habits or your life that you’d like to improve upon. In fact, as humans, we tend to constantly be pulled to expand and grow. If we resist this urge, stagnation can result.

The Beatles sang it so memorably–  “Money can’t buy me love.” It is possible that every one of us has had a moment in which we realized that money and material possessions cannot bring us the love and happiness for which we may have been longing.

Perhaps it was when you saved and saved for a newer model car or a larger home and, once that goal was reached, you felt a twinge of disappointment. The angst or the unhappiness that you felt before was still there– even if you were pleased with the purchase (however big or small).

“Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be…”

Growing up, this was always one of my favorite hymns to sing in church. I still feel bolstered and uplifted when I sing it for myself today.

Peace can appear to be an elusive state. Wars seem to abound. Knowing and perceiving this can quickly deflate that sense of uplift and hope.

Some may claim that conflict is inevitable. Others may insist that human beings are self-centered and territorial and that, with a scarcity of resources, there is bound to be aggression and wars.

The benefits of mindfulness– for both mental and physical wellness– have been demonstrated in scientific studies and people’s everyday experiences.

But, what is mindfulness?

If a person wants to lead a more mindful life, how does that person go about it?

When I think of mindfulness, I also think of its presumed opposite…mindlessness.

Then, unfortunately, a whole barrage of judgmental and critical declarations come to my mind.

“Watching television shows is mindless.”
“Playing Farmville or Facebook games is mindless.”
“Scarfing down potato chips and reading Star magazine is mindless.”
“Chatting for hours with a group of friends about inconsequential topics is mindless.”

It is dusk on a Monday evening. A pleasant walk through our neighborhood with my teenage son and the family dog is interrupted by the quick dart of a small furry creature dashing from shrub to shrub.

…And she’s off.

Our St. Bernard cannot resist chasing a rabbit (or any other small, quick-moving creature).

The leash jerks out of my son’s hands and what we see next is the brown and white flash of our dog on the hunt– around the corner, through front yards, into back yards and over low fences.

There are tons of books, CDs, courses, websites, DVDs, lectures and more all about the benefits and power of a positive attitude.

What being “positive” actually means varies depending on the specific author, philosophy or approach.

Some invite us to smile and laugh more often. Others advise us to look for the gifts and opportunities in every situation. Yet others encourage us to be grateful for what we have, who we are and what’s going on for us in any moment.

I do not disagree with any of this advice. However, I can only imagine that many of you out there might, from time to time, ask yourselves this question…

…It’s not necessarily your best friend either!

I don’t know of a single philosophy that deems the ego to be all that positive a thing.

We’ve all probably heard someone (maybe even ourselves) called “egotistical” or being accused of having a “big ego.” This is never meant as a compliment.

Many spiritual teachings counsel us to meditate, question and do whatever is necessary to get rid of the ego.

I’m 1 week ahead as my visiting father departs my home and my mother-in-law arrives for a visit. I bid farewell and welcome this flurry of guests.

Now, I’m 24 years in the past, with friends at a high school show choir performance. We are singing, dancing and having a great time together.

Next, I am a year from now at the beach with my husband and sons. The ocean swells and we play together in the surf and the sand.

All of that time travel happened for me in the span of about 15 minutes (more or less).

Guilt can crop up in our lives at just about every turn.

You might feel guilty because you’ve strayed from your diet.
You may feel guilty because you forgot the birthday of a dear friend.
You could feel guilty because you spoke harshly to your spouse.
You may feel guilty because you aren’t as kind, generous, reliable, eco-friendly, productive, religious or spiritual…. as you think you should be.

It seems that we humans are hard-wired with a propensity to feel guilty.