Personal Growth Planet Blog

It can start with a knick while shaving, coffee spilling on your clean clothes or someone cutting you off in traffic.

Your lousy, no-good day can seem like an unending, downward spiral of irritations, annoyances, bad news and maybe a crisis or two thrown in as well.

If you’re having that kind of day (week, month or lifetime) try this…

#1: Have a 3 minute “pity party.”

C’mon, you know you want to. When nothing is going right, many of us feel sorry for ourselves. Yes, embarrassing, but it’s actually a pretty normal reaction. The trick is not to get stuck in a “poor me” mindset because this won’t improve your day.

I’m learning to appreciate the curves
…of my body.

The lumps, the bumps, the peaks, valleys
and the rough places too.

This curvy, shapely, not-thin body of mine
is rounded and full of past, present and future.

It speaks of pain, joy, shame, ecstasy, birth and life.

It tells tales of first touches– some rough and painful, others tender and sweet.

“Don’t mention the war.”

This caution– quoted from a particularly funny episode* of the British comedy series “Fawlty Towers”– has been periodically used by my family since I was a kid.

When one of us uttered the words, “Don’t mention the war,” it meant that a particular topic was sensitive or touchy for someone. That subject of conversation was better left unmentioned.

In other words… don’t “go there.”

This tradition continues today and I’m sure it’s not just my family that does this. How many times have any of us intentionally NOT brought up politics or religion around a certain family member or friend because it’s clear that the topic will only lead to a pointless debate where nobody really listens?

There is such a sweetness to being a parent. I vividly remember the snuggling, the rocking and singing, the nursing and the big, sloppy hugs and kisses that I experienced with each of my sons in their early years.

Now that I have a tween and teen, my interactions with both of them are changing. There are still hugs and a few kisses. There is even still something akin to cuddling, at times.

There are also many instances in which each stretches himself and insists upon his independence.

It seems counter-intuitive to write about the dark and low kind of places in life when Spring is just weeks away and the radiant light of the sun is beginning to make its way more frequently back into the Midwest skies.

But….

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how bright and shiny it is outside, inside we still struggle. We still get depressed and feel as if we’re losing our grip. In those moments, we believe that things will never improve.

I have experienced my share of these periods of time. I have (and still do occasionally) had anxiety attacks and bouts of feeling dull and low and worthless.

I tend to be a fixer.

If there’s some situation that seems– from my perspective– “off,” broken or not right, my impulse is to step in and find a solution. The sooner the better.

While I believe that there are valuable results to be had with a solution-oriented approach to life, it has significant drawbacks as well.

What is challenging and sometimes even excruciating for me is to just let it be.

I’ve blogged in the past about this propensity of mine. When a disagreement arises between me and a loved one, my reaction is usually to rush in and resolve the discord– even if rushing in means me forcing a discussion before everyone involved is ready for one.

During my high school and undergraduate years, I remember looking forward to being a full-fledged adult. Part of the allure of getting older was the promise of no longer caring about what others think of me.

Now that I am most certainly a “full-fledged” adult, I am a bit disappointed to see that this desire for acceptance and approval has not magically evaporated. It’s still there even if it takes different forms and is mellower (at times).

I’ve heard plenty of people claim that a benefit of growing older is that you don’t care what anyone else thinks about you anymore. Unfortunately, I have not found that to be true in my experience.

This time of year there’s generally a lot of advice being offered about how to stick with your New Year’s resolutions and how to make changes. I’ve joined in and blogged about this topic in the past few weeks too.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with noticing something about your habits or your life that you’d like to improve upon. In fact, as humans, we tend to constantly be pulled to expand and grow. If we resist this urge, stagnation can result.

The Beatles sang it so memorably–  “Money can’t buy me love.” It is possible that every one of us has had a moment in which we realized that money and material possessions cannot bring us the love and happiness for which we may have been longing.

Perhaps it was when you saved and saved for a newer model car or a larger home and, once that goal was reached, you felt a twinge of disappointment. The angst or the unhappiness that you felt before was still there– even if you were pleased with the purchase (however big or small).

“Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be…”

Growing up, this was always one of my favorite hymns to sing in church. I still feel bolstered and uplifted when I sing it for myself today.

Peace can appear to be an elusive state. Wars seem to abound. Knowing and perceiving this can quickly deflate that sense of uplift and hope.

Some may claim that conflict is inevitable. Others may insist that human beings are self-centered and territorial and that, with a scarcity of resources, there is bound to be aggression and wars.