Personal Growth Planet Blog

I can vividly remember my mother storming into the Skate-A-Way roller rink in her bright red “toreador” pants when I was late walking out to the parking lot. We’d agreed that I’d be outside ready to go at 9pm, but I often lost track of time– maybe intentionally, maybe not.

She’d get frustrated waiting and finally come in to get me. I still think she purposely chose to wear her most outlandish clothes on those nights, those that would be the most embarrassing to a young teenager longing to be popular.

“Oh mother!” I would scowl.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t get too fired up when I think about the word “contentment.” It brings to my mind stereotypical retired folks rocking on their porches or maybe watching great grand kids playing in the yard.

The first images that come to me when I think about “contentment” are actually rather boring. Peaceful, yes. Also, pretty dull.

So many of us long for peace in our busy, hectic, triggering and stressful lives. I am certainly among those who yearn for experiences that are easy, satisfying and even-keeled. Unfortunately, though, when there is no drama and life is sailing along relatively smoothly, it can start to feel mundane and dull. It is in those moments that “contentment” seems unbearable and even restrictive.

What If…

Life was actually an adventure to be lived and not a struggle to be endured?

You already are as beautiful/competent/successful/intelligent/creative as you’re striving to be?

You looked around at ALL that you are and and ALL that is going on in your life instead of only at the problems and things needing to be “fixed?”

Your partner/kids/parents/siblings/friends/world don’t need to be changed after all?

Nobody and nothing was working against you?

There really wasn’t anything to prove? Nothing at all.

Challenges and mishaps were experienced as opportunities for growth and expansion?

You’re already free to be, do or have whatever you desire?

The journey was more rewarding than the achievement of goals?

You didn’t wait to be joyful?

Your smile and kind words– for even just one person– could set off a chain reaction that would positively transform the world?

Ever feel like you’re spinning your wheels, moving but never quite getting anywhere and especially not getting to where you want to go?

To me, this is the road to nowhere.

Goals are set, plans are made, dreams are dreamt…and yet I seem to stay stuck in the same routine. I don’t appear to be moving anywhere nearer to those aspired places.

Of course, this isn’t entirely true. If I take a step back, I can see that I am actually living the kind of life that I envision. In many ways, it’s exactly the kind of life I have envisioned. I do occasionally reach my goals– especially those “little” ones. But, it doesn’t really feel that way.

It can start with a knick while shaving, coffee spilling on your clean clothes or someone cutting you off in traffic.

Your lousy, no-good day can seem like an unending, downward spiral of irritations, annoyances, bad news and maybe a crisis or two thrown in as well.

If you’re having that kind of day (week, month or lifetime) try this…

#1: Have a 3 minute “pity party.”

C’mon, you know you want to. When nothing is going right, many of us feel sorry for ourselves. Yes, embarrassing, but it’s actually a pretty normal reaction. The trick is not to get stuck in a “poor me” mindset because this won’t improve your day.

I’m learning to appreciate the curves
…of my body.

The lumps, the bumps, the peaks, valleys
and the rough places too.

This curvy, shapely, not-thin body of mine
is rounded and full of past, present and future.

It speaks of pain, joy, shame, ecstasy, birth and life.

It tells tales of first touches– some rough and painful, others tender and sweet.

“Don’t mention the war.”

This caution– quoted from a particularly funny episode* of the British comedy series “Fawlty Towers”– has been periodically used by my family since I was a kid.

When one of us uttered the words, “Don’t mention the war,” it meant that a particular topic was sensitive or touchy for someone. That subject of conversation was better left unmentioned.

In other words… don’t “go there.”

This tradition continues today and I’m sure it’s not just my family that does this. How many times have any of us intentionally NOT brought up politics or religion around a certain family member or friend because it’s clear that the topic will only lead to a pointless debate where nobody really listens?

There is such a sweetness to being a parent. I vividly remember the snuggling, the rocking and singing, the nursing and the big, sloppy hugs and kisses that I experienced with each of my sons in their early years.

Now that I have a tween and teen, my interactions with both of them are changing. There are still hugs and a few kisses. There is even still something akin to cuddling, at times.

There are also many instances in which each stretches himself and insists upon his independence.

It seems counter-intuitive to write about the dark and low kind of places in life when Spring is just weeks away and the radiant light of the sun is beginning to make its way more frequently back into the Midwest skies.

But….

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how bright and shiny it is outside, inside we still struggle. We still get depressed and feel as if we’re losing our grip. In those moments, we believe that things will never improve.

I have experienced my share of these periods of time. I have (and still do occasionally) had anxiety attacks and bouts of feeling dull and low and worthless.

I tend to be a fixer.

If there’s some situation that seems– from my perspective– “off,” broken or not right, my impulse is to step in and find a solution. The sooner the better.

While I believe that there are valuable results to be had with a solution-oriented approach to life, it has significant drawbacks as well.

What is challenging and sometimes even excruciating for me is to just let it be.

I’ve blogged in the past about this propensity of mine. When a disagreement arises between me and a loved one, my reaction is usually to rush in and resolve the discord– even if rushing in means me forcing a discussion before everyone involved is ready for one.