I don’t like to think of myself as a manipulative person. I don’t like to think about myself as driven by the desire to be rewarded for my “good” or benevolent acts.
But, when I’m really honest with myself, I can see this in there. Rarely is it conscious, yet, when I look at the range of what motivates and propels me to say and do the things I do… it’s there.
The craving for and expectation of a reward.
Tis the season. Lots and lots of folks are crowding shopping malls, surfing the net and busily crafting the perfect gifts for loved ones.
There’s so much that’s wonderful about giving.
The thoughtful and creative gift that you make or buy can be one way to show others how important they are to you. The money, food, coats and gloves that you give to non-profit organizations go a long way to help those whose very survival might depend on the generosity of strangers.
Without a doubt, giving is beautiful and spreads joy and benevolence.
What is my destiny? What is my purpose in life?
These are BIG questions that run through my mind from time to time. As I go through my life, I sometimes wonder if there isn’t something more I am “supposed” to be doing. Is there some important path in life that I have neglected, ignored or by-passed?
Maybe this is just a mid-life thing or perhaps people of all ages ask themselves similar questions.
The idea that there is some higher purpose or destiny in one’s life is present in movies, books, television shows and stories of real people’s experiences.
The word “unconditional” is thrown around quite a bit. It is often assumed that parents love their children unconditionally. Lovers are expected to love one another unconditionally. To boost self esteem, a person is encouraged to accept him or herself unconditionally.
I don’t know about you, but truly accepting or even loving unconditionally is not as easy as it sounds.
If any of us are completely honest with ourselves, we’d probably discover that there’s not a whole lot of unconditional loving or accepting going on.
I love balance. The image of the scales– for my zodiac sign, Libra– just seems so right. So harmonious, equal and fair. I’m all about things in life existing in perfect relationship to one another.
Perfect balance.
Aspiring to live a balanced life is really just common sense. We’ve all seen (and maybe felt) what having an excess of work can do to one’s personal life and body. We’ve all seen what an overabundance of recreation can do (one only needs to glance at the cover of tabloid magazines for ample examples of this).
“Don’t mention the war.”
This caution– quoted from a particularly funny episode* of the British comedy series “Fawlty Towers”– has been periodically used by my family since I was a kid.
When one of us uttered the words, “Don’t mention the war,” it meant that a particular topic was sensitive or touchy for someone. That subject of conversation was better left unmentioned.
In other words… don’t “go there.”
This tradition continues today and I’m sure it’s not just my family that does this. How many times have any of us intentionally NOT brought up politics or religion around a certain family member or friend because it’s clear that the topic will only lead to a pointless debate where nobody really listens?
There is such a sweetness to being a parent. I vividly remember the snuggling, the rocking and singing, the nursing and the big, sloppy hugs and kisses that I experienced with each of my sons in their early years.
Now that I have a tween and teen, my interactions with both of them are changing. There are still hugs and a few kisses. There is even still something akin to cuddling, at times.
There are also many instances in which each stretches himself and insists upon his independence.
I don’t think I know a single person who is ambivalent about Valentine’s Day.
When I hear people talk (and I’m sure there are exceptions), there is generally aversion or excitement to February 14th. There’s rarely anything in between.
Some look forward to passionate celebrating with the one they love.
Others scowl and rant about how this is yet another Hallmark-created holiday.
Yet others grimace at this reminder of how alone or heart broken they feel.
I tend to be a romantic kind of person and so I fall into the “looking forward to it” category. However, like many people, Valentine’s Day is fraught with traps and turmoil for me too.
I’m not talking about rushing into love…
In the past, when my husband, one of my sons or someone else I care about makes me mad or appears to be angry with me, I have had a tendency to rush in and attempt to get the whole thing “fixed” as quickly as possible.
My habitual mode has been to get it out right then and there.
To speak my truth, expect the other person to share his or her perspective on the situation and to hash it all out– hopefully coming to some resolution we both can be happy with.
Person #1: Would you like to meet me for dinner tonight?
Person #2: Sorry, I can’t.
Person #1: Oh, okay. I understand. (Thinking to self: She and I aren’t as close anymore. She’s probably just making up an excuse because she doesn’t want to hang out with me.)
A lot can happen in a very short conversation such as this. That is to say, a lot of inaccuracies and incorrect assumptions can occur and have very real effects on people’s relationships and lives.
