Personal Growth Planet Blog

It can start with a knick while shaving, coffee spilling on your clean clothes or someone cutting you off in traffic.

Your lousy, no-good day can seem like an unending, downward spiral of irritations, annoyances, bad news and maybe a crisis or two thrown in as well.

If you’re having that kind of day (week, month or lifetime) try this…

#1: Have a 3 minute “pity party.”

C’mon, you know you want to. When nothing is going right, many of us feel sorry for ourselves. Yes, embarrassing, but it’s actually a pretty normal reaction. The trick is not to get stuck in a “poor me” mindset because this won’t improve your day.

When I log into my Facebook page this time of year, I am especially inspired by my friends who post the things in their lives for which they are grateful. Many people declare their gratitude for their precious family and friends. Others share that they are grateful for a sunny day.

In a moment of calm, those aspects of our lives that make us feel so abundant, loved, cared for and happy are prominent and easy to see. It is such a powerful practice to shine a light of awareness on those people and things in our lives for which we are grateful.

“…Anger can improve health, enhance intimacy, further social justice and spur creativity,” proclaimed the author of a recent Ode Magazine* article.

No Way!

At least that was my initial reaction to reading this statement.

In my experience and in my mind, anger destroys intimacy, is dangerous for a person’s health and stands in the way of creativity. In my mind, anger equals aggression, either overt and in your face or passive and seething just beneath the surface.

On a day like today, I am grateful for impermanence.

When I am in a place of grouchiness and am facing such things as an equally grouchy teenager, a large car repair bill, cold temperatures, gray skies and more I am somewhat soothed when I remind myself that this moment in time won’t last forever.

This may not exactly be what the Buddha meant when he taught about impermanence, but I do find some comfort in it, at least temporarily and on the surface.

But, of course, there is a cost to this mind game I tend to play.

“Don’t mention the war.”

This caution– quoted from a particularly funny episode* of the British comedy series “Fawlty Towers”– has been periodically used by my family since I was a kid.

When one of us uttered the words, “Don’t mention the war,” it meant that a particular topic was sensitive or touchy for someone. That subject of conversation was better left unmentioned.

In other words… don’t “go there.”

This tradition continues today and I’m sure it’s not just my family that does this. How many times have any of us intentionally NOT brought up politics or religion around a certain family member or friend because it’s clear that the topic will only lead to a pointless debate where nobody really listens?

It seems counter-intuitive to write about the dark and low kind of places in life when Spring is just weeks away and the radiant light of the sun is beginning to make its way more frequently back into the Midwest skies.

But….

Sometimes, it doesn’t matter how bright and shiny it is outside, inside we still struggle. We still get depressed and feel as if we’re losing our grip. In those moments, we believe that things will never improve.

I have experienced my share of these periods of time. I have (and still do occasionally) had anxiety attacks and bouts of feeling dull and low and worthless.

We do not consider ourselves Hindus, but each year my family celebrates a modern Hindu holiday. It’s called Pancha Ganapati and it honors the Hindu God Ganesh, the half-elephant, half-boy son of Shiva and Parvati.

What I absolutely love about Pancha Ganapati is the way that it brings my husband, two sons and I together for a few moments of quiet togetherness each of the 5 days of the holiday. Right next to our Christmas tree, we set up an altar with a little statue of Ganesh, colored pieces of fabric, some candles and  the daily puja– a treat for Ganesh.

The traditional Christmas story goes something like this…

A very pregnant Mary and her husband Joseph find themselves in Bethlehem. Because of a government-ordered census, there is no room at any inn and, finally, the couple settles in to a humble stable, sharing the space with sheep and cows.

After Mary gives birth to Jesus in the stable and lays him a manger, a star and Angel guide all manner of wise men, shepherds and others to visit this special baby who grows up to be a very wise and enlightened man.

There are tons of books, CDs, courses, websites, DVDs, lectures and more all about the benefits and power of a positive attitude.

What being “positive” actually means varies depending on the specific author, philosophy or approach.

Some invite us to smile and laugh more often. Others advise us to look for the gifts and opportunities in every situation. Yet others encourage us to be grateful for what we have, who we are and what’s going on for us in any moment.

I do not disagree with any of this advice. However, I can only imagine that many of you out there might, from time to time, ask yourselves this question…

You can ask my kids– I really don’t like clutter. I get all squirrely and irritable when the piles of books, papers, electronics, toys or whatever get too high and are spread too widely throughout the house.

I’ll be the first one to admit that it’s not just their stuff that adds to the feeling I get of being stuffed in to a space with too many things out and about.

When I reach my clutter breaking point, I generally huff around a bit barking out calls for tidiness and picking up after ourselves.