Personal Growth Planet Blog

Okay, okay, I’ll admit it…

There is not one way to be empowered. There are countless ways.

There really aren’t “right” and “wrong” ways to be empowered either.

But…

There are many, many ways that a lot of us spend our precious time and energy that are flat out dis-empowering and we don’t often realize it.

I’ve been listening to a fabulous collection of audios by Buddhist nun Pema Chodron*. If you are turned off by either (or both) the words “Buddhist” or “nun,” give this a listen anyway. Chodron’s teachings are accessible, easily relatable and for anyone regardless of religious or spiritual beliefs.

The weight of my responsibilities, interests, hopes, dreams, worries, fears and more can really pile up. I tend to feel it in my shoulders, my back, on my head.

Pushing me down. Holding me back from the light, free and joyous life I really want to live.

We all have “to do” lists. We all have places we “have” to be, tasks we “have” to accomplish and roles we “have” to fill.

We all also have a seemingly interminable stream of thoughts that crowd our minds, often filled with worrisome or hopeful projections for the future as well as worrisome and wistful memories of the past.

“Sacrifice” is a heavy-duty concept. It is laden with so many connotations that I even hesitate to highlight it in this way.

It is often associated with the Christian Easter story in which Jesus sacrificed himself for the good of humankind. Over the past several weeks, many people have made sacrifices in the form of giving up something that is dear to them to participate in Lent.

No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs are, it’s probable that you’ve encountered a sense of sacrifice at some point.

I think of myself as a pretty positive kind of person.  I make it a point to focus on what, to me, is going “right” in a situation.

If the cake I bake falls, I remind myself that it still tastes good. If I have to spend an afternoon with someone who usually annoys me, I try to find something about the visit that I can genuinely appreciate.

(Okay, I’ll admit it. This is an intention and not always the way it plays out.)

There is such a sweetness to being a parent. I vividly remember the snuggling, the rocking and singing, the nursing and the big, sloppy hugs and kisses that I experienced with each of my sons in their early years.

Now that I have a tween and teen, my interactions with both of them are changing. There are still hugs and a few kisses. There is even still something akin to cuddling, at times.

There are also many instances in which each stretches himself and insists upon his independence.

During my high school and undergraduate years, I remember looking forward to being a full-fledged adult. Part of the allure of getting older was the promise of no longer caring about what others think of me.

Now that I am most certainly a “full-fledged” adult, I am a bit disappointed to see that this desire for acceptance and approval has not magically evaporated. It’s still there even if it takes different forms and is mellower (at times).

I’ve heard plenty of people claim that a benefit of growing older is that you don’t care what anyone else thinks about you anymore. Unfortunately, I have not found that to be true in my experience.

The traditional Christmas story goes something like this…

A very pregnant Mary and her husband Joseph find themselves in Bethlehem. Because of a government-ordered census, there is no room at any inn and, finally, the couple settles in to a humble stable, sharing the space with sheep and cows.

After Mary gives birth to Jesus in the stable and lays him a manger, a star and Angel guide all manner of wise men, shepherds and others to visit this special baby who grows up to be a very wise and enlightened man.

Person #1: Would you like to meet me for dinner tonight?

Person #2: Sorry, I can’t.

Person #1: Oh, okay. I understand. (Thinking to self: She and I aren’t as close anymore. She’s probably just making up an excuse because she doesn’t want to hang out with me.)

A lot can happen in a very short conversation such as this. That is to say, a lot of inaccuracies and incorrect assumptions can occur and have very real effects on people’s relationships and lives.

September 11th used to be a date of happy anticipation for me. It is the day before my wedding anniversary, so it is something I– previously– associated only with eagerness for the celebrating to come on the 12th.

After 2001, however, this all changed.

Yes, I still look forward to and do celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband on September 12th each year. But, the day before is a more confusing experience now. For me, there is a sadness and a bit of anxiousness mixed in with my excitement to commemorate the love that my husband and I have shared over the years.

A muscle-bound man or woman
To endure extreme challenges or difficulties
A tensed and ready-for-anything state
Pushing against, forcing movement

All of these phrases, to me, signify strength. Whether it’s the weight-lifter who hefts and holds overhead more than 200 lbs. or the CEO who manages to motivate thousands of employees, there is something tough and hard about strength.

This proves problematic when I encourage myself to be strong in my own life.

I feel my muscles tense up, I notice my perceptions and opinions become more rigid and fixed. I tend to resist whatever is going on– within me or outside of me– that is not preferable.