Personal Growth Planet Blog

Tis the season. Lots and lots of folks are crowding shopping malls, surfing the net and busily crafting the perfect gifts for loved ones.

There’s so much that’s wonderful about giving.

The thoughtful and creative gift that you make or buy can be one way to show others how important they are to you. The money, food, coats and gloves that you give to non-profit organizations go a long way to help those whose very survival might depend on the generosity of strangers.

Without a doubt, giving is beautiful and spreads joy and benevolence.

I recently read about one woman’s challenge to not look at herself in a mirror for a full year. Kjerstin Gruys, a sociologist, wants women to re-think body image and to question portrayals of women’s beauty in the media.

What made this challenge even more daunting is that Gruys planned and prepared for her own wedding during this year of no mirrors. Gruys and her fiance were married recently, by the way.

While I applaud the statement that Gruys is making with her year of no mirrors, I have to wonder…

Is the mirror really the problem after all?

What does accepting– even loving– your body have to do with what really matters in life? Why is feeling beautiful important anyway?

After all, wars are being waged, people are losing their jobs, people are starving and suffering, the Earth is changing in many worrisome and scary ways…

Aren’t those the really important things?

When I get all caught up in feeling less than lovely, I start to feel embarrassed. It seems somewhat narcissistic and self-obsessed for me to be stressing out and consumed by my negative perceptions of how I think my body looks.

I’m learning to appreciate the curves
…of my body.

The lumps, the bumps, the peaks, valleys
and the rough places too.

This curvy, shapely, not-thin body of mine
is rounded and full of past, present and future.

It speaks of pain, joy, shame, ecstasy, birth and life.

It tells tales of first touches– some rough and painful, others tender and sweet.

The word “unconditional” is thrown around quite a bit. It is often assumed that parents love their children unconditionally. Lovers are expected to love one another unconditionally. To boost self esteem, a person is encouraged to accept him or herself unconditionally.

I don’t know about you, but truly accepting or even loving unconditionally is not as easy as it sounds.

If any of us are completely honest with ourselves, we’d probably discover that there’s not a whole lot of unconditional loving or accepting going on.

The Beatles sang it so memorably–  “Money can’t buy me love.” It is possible that every one of us has had a moment in which we realized that money and material possessions cannot bring us the love and happiness for which we may have been longing.

Perhaps it was when you saved and saved for a newer model car or a larger home and, once that goal was reached, you felt a twinge of disappointment. The angst or the unhappiness that you felt before was still there– even if you were pleased with the purchase (however big or small).

The benefits of mindfulness– for both mental and physical wellness– have been demonstrated in scientific studies and people’s everyday experiences.

But, what is mindfulness?

If a person wants to lead a more mindful life, how does that person go about it?

When I think of mindfulness, I also think of its presumed opposite…mindlessness.

Then, unfortunately, a whole barrage of judgmental and critical declarations come to my mind.

“Watching television shows is mindless.”
“Playing Farmville or Facebook games is mindless.”
“Scarfing down potato chips and reading Star magazine is mindless.”
“Chatting for hours with a group of friends about inconsequential topics is mindless.”

There are tons of books, CDs, courses, websites, DVDs, lectures and more all about the benefits and power of a positive attitude.

What being “positive” actually means varies depending on the specific author, philosophy or approach.

Some invite us to smile and laugh more often. Others advise us to look for the gifts and opportunities in every situation. Yet others encourage us to be grateful for what we have, who we are and what’s going on for us in any moment.

I do not disagree with any of this advice. However, I can only imagine that many of you out there might, from time to time, ask yourselves this question…

…It’s not necessarily your best friend either!

I don’t know of a single philosophy that deems the ego to be all that positive a thing.

We’ve all probably heard someone (maybe even ourselves) called “egotistical” or being accused of having a “big ego.” This is never meant as a compliment.

Many spiritual teachings counsel us to meditate, question and do whatever is necessary to get rid of the ego.

“Everyone, please send me texts and, Dad, could you bring my bike?”

This request was posted on a social networking site by the daughter of a friend of mine who recently started college. As you might already know, moving away from home, family and friends to embark upon what is essentially a brand new life can be unsettling, uncomfortable and maybe even a bit terrifying.

Of course, going to college (or setting out on another kind of new adventure) is also potentially exhilarating and exciting…especially if you feel like you are being supported along the way.