I don’t like to think of myself as a manipulative person. I don’t like to think about myself as driven by the desire to be rewarded for my “good” or benevolent acts.
But, when I’m really honest with myself, I can see this in there. Rarely is it conscious, yet, when I look at the range of what motivates and propels me to say and do the things I do… it’s there.
The craving for and expectation of a reward.
When I log into my Facebook page this time of year, I am especially inspired by my friends who post the things in their lives for which they are grateful. Many people declare their gratitude for their precious family and friends. Others share that they are grateful for a sunny day.
In a moment of calm, those aspects of our lives that make us feel so abundant, loved, cared for and happy are prominent and easy to see. It is such a powerful practice to shine a light of awareness on those people and things in our lives for which we are grateful.
“…Anger can improve health, enhance intimacy, further social justice and spur creativity,” proclaimed the author of a recent Ode Magazine* article.
No Way!
At least that was my initial reaction to reading this statement.
In my experience and in my mind, anger destroys intimacy, is dangerous for a person’s health and stands in the way of creativity. In my mind, anger equals aggression, either overt and in your face or passive and seething just beneath the surface.
I’m not talking about rushing into love…
In the past, when my husband, one of my sons or someone else I care about makes me mad or appears to be angry with me, I have had a tendency to rush in and attempt to get the whole thing “fixed” as quickly as possible.
My habitual mode has been to get it out right then and there.
To speak my truth, expect the other person to share his or her perspective on the situation and to hash it all out– hopefully coming to some resolution we both can be happy with.
5 or 6 years ago, in response to the words of my doctor and results of a cholesterol test, I lost around 25 pounds over the course of several months. I began to exercise, I cut out sugary, processed foods and ate more vegetables and whole foods– all great things to do for my overall health. I was also able to lower my cholesterol levels so that they were all in the healthy range.
It felt great…except that it didn’t.
Yes, I was happy that my body was slimmer and more fit. Yes, I was delighted that I lowered my cholesterol without the use of prescription drugs.
There are tons of books, CDs, courses, websites, DVDs, lectures and more all about the benefits and power of a positive attitude.
What being “positive” actually means varies depending on the specific author, philosophy or approach.
Some invite us to smile and laugh more often. Others advise us to look for the gifts and opportunities in every situation. Yet others encourage us to be grateful for what we have, who we are and what’s going on for us in any moment.
I do not disagree with any of this advice. However, I can only imagine that many of you out there might, from time to time, ask yourselves this question…
“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new”- Albert Einstein
No matter how many wise and witty quotes I read about the value– even the necessity– of making mistakes in life, it’s still uncomfortable and sometimes painful for me when they happen.
There have got to be very few people in this world who actually enjoy making mistakes.
Even the most laid-back, easy-going souls among us probably cringe when they say the “wrong” thing, drop a plate full of food on someone’s white carpeting, forget an important deadline or some other blunder among the millions of possible blunders a person could make.
By Amy Phillips-Gary
What to do with your anger….
Come on. As mild mannered as you think you are, you probably get angry from time to time.
We all get angry occasionally– some of us more occasionally than others.
The question is do you tend to stuff down your anger in some deep, dark hidden place within or do you spew it forth onto anyone and everyone around you?
I grew up in a family of stuffers.
