Personal Growth Planet Blog

I recently read about one woman’s challenge to not look at herself in a mirror for a full year. Kjerstin Gruys, a sociologist, wants women to re-think body image and to question portrayals of women’s beauty in the media.

What made this challenge even more daunting is that Gruys planned and prepared for her own wedding during this year of no mirrors. Gruys and her fiance were married recently, by the way.

While I applaud the statement that Gruys is making with her year of no mirrors, I have to wonder…

Is the mirror really the problem after all?

The word “unconditional” is thrown around quite a bit. It is often assumed that parents love their children unconditionally. Lovers are expected to love one another unconditionally. To boost self esteem, a person is encouraged to accept him or herself unconditionally.

I don’t know about you, but truly accepting or even loving unconditionally is not as easy as it sounds.

If any of us are completely honest with ourselves, we’d probably discover that there’s not a whole lot of unconditional loving or accepting going on.

Let’s face it. Judgments of any kind have the potential to quickly turn ugly.

Most of us were raised to believe that certain behaviors, actions, ways of living and even people are good while others are bad. The stuff of morals and ethics is based on a clear differentiation between good and bad.

There’s nothing necessarily wrong with this.

Each one of us makes judgments all of the time. These are the day-to-day decisions about what we prefer and what we don’t prefer. It’s natural, normal and part of the business of being an expansive human being that leads us to know what is and is not okay for each person.

During my high school and undergraduate years, I remember looking forward to being a full-fledged adult. Part of the allure of getting older was the promise of no longer caring about what others think of me.

Now that I am most certainly a “full-fledged” adult, I am a bit disappointed to see that this desire for acceptance and approval has not magically evaporated. It’s still there even if it takes different forms and is mellower (at times).

I’ve heard plenty of people claim that a benefit of growing older is that you don’t care what anyone else thinks about you anymore. Unfortunately, I have not found that to be true in my experience.

“Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on Earth, the peace that was meant to be…”

Growing up, this was always one of my favorite hymns to sing in church. I still feel bolstered and uplifted when I sing it for myself today.

Peace can appear to be an elusive state. Wars seem to abound. Knowing and perceiving this can quickly deflate that sense of uplift and hope.

Some may claim that conflict is inevitable. Others may insist that human beings are self-centered and territorial and that, with a scarcity of resources, there is bound to be aggression and wars.

September 11th used to be a date of happy anticipation for me. It is the day before my wedding anniversary, so it is something I– previously– associated only with eagerness for the celebrating to come on the 12th.

After 2001, however, this all changed.

Yes, I still look forward to and do celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband on September 12th each year. But, the day before is a more confusing experience now. For me, there is a sadness and a bit of anxiousness mixed in with my excitement to commemorate the love that my husband and I have shared over the years.

Just about everyone I know is overcommitted and has a difficult time saying “no.”

It seems to be the American way to agree to whatever request (or demand) is thrown our way– and then complain about, resent and feel powerless to whatever it is we felt compelled to say “yes” to in the first place.

It all comes down to a desire, perhaps even a desperate need, to please.

Even the most non-conforming individuals among us want to be liked. While there are those who may not comfortably admit it, just about everyone has a need to feel loved and accepted (even if it’s on our terms, in specific sub-cultures and in our own unique ways).

Do you tend to go through life feeling like you’re banging up against one brick wall after another?

I have certainly felt that way at times. It can seem as if I am slowly plodding along through my thigh-deep-in-mud kind of days.

Trying. to. get. ahead.

During those days, weeks or months in which setbacks and obstacles appear to be the norm, I long for life to be easy. I find myself asking, “Why can’t life be easy for once?”

The answer, of course, all comes down to me.

By Amy Phillips-Gary

We've all heard about (or lived with) the stereotypical teenager.

As young people navigate that threshold between being a child and an adult, there are those angst-filled, confidence-testing and sometimes downright harrowing years that fall roughly between the ages of 13 and 18-- give or take a few years.

I live with a wonderful teen. He is loving, caring and sensitive-- at times. He can also seem, to me, to be difficult, stubborn, disrespectful and even arrogant-- at times.

The thing about teenagers is there are occasions that they seem to know each and every button to push to make you crazy.

By Amy Phillips-Gary

It is nearly impossible to share love with others and your world if you do not fully love yourself.

Sure, I’ve heard this before and I whole-heartedly believe it.

It’s super easy for me to love and feel at peace with myself after I’ve connected deeply with another person, helped out a stranger or was given a compliment.

At those times I feel warm, fuzzy and all aglow. I am proud walking around as me and these great feelings spill over as I easily appreciate the wondrousness of all around me.