The Shifting Sand Beneath My Feet
The wave rushes in, covering my feet in cool wet. As the water recedes, it takes with it sand– some of which I was just standing on. The sensation of ocean sand shifting beneath my feet is pretty amazing. When I stare down at the water-sand-flesh action going on, I sometimes feel dizzy and sway a little bit.
On my recent vacation, I thoroughly enjoyed feeling the sand shift beneath my feet as the cold Pacific Ocean moved water and sand in and out with the waves.
What a simple, natural phenomenon such as this offers me is a lesson in groundlessness.
It is a gentle and even fun lesson. I am reminded of how much I depend on having firm, solid and reliable ground beneath my feet when I am nudged off-balance.
Life offers this same lesson time and time again, except that it’s not always gentle or fun.
A health crisis that radically changes the way that you (or a loved one) move can be a frustrating and frightening reminder…
Children growing up– starting school, learning to drive, going away to college, moving out and into their own homes are all gut-wrenching reminders…
Losing one’s job, choosing to try out a different career or going back to school are more huge reminders…
These all remind us of how there really is no ground. It doesn’t matter if the change or life event is planned or not, the sensation is quite similar.
I find, in my own life, that the more I cling to “this is the way I am and this is the way my life is,” the more I am shown how faulty that belief is.
There is no question that a health crisis, an identity crisis, a relationship breakup, a job change or any other major life-altering change can literally knock you off-balance. However, many of us suffer and feel even more anxious than we already are because we are desperately trying to hold onto ground.
We dig in our heels even though the waters of life are shifting and pulling away sand from beneath our feet, often more powerfully than we can stand.
And so we fall. Hard.
I’ve written before about impermanence and the inevitably ever-changing nature of absolutely everything. Groundlessness is interwoven with the concept impermanence. They both teach us to be present and not to become attached to who we are, where we are, what we have or what we are.
With attachment and clinging to whatever we think of as un-changing, dependable “ground” can come disappointment, shock, anxiety and feeling like a victim.
So, if there is no question that groundlessness can be jolting and scary, we are left with questions of how to cope and not descend into a terrified helplessness.
After all, if there is no ground– nothing solid and fixed upon which to stand– how does one stand and consciously create a satisfying and happy life?
Be fully present where you are…even if that’s always changing.
How many times are any of us fully present? I know that I’m not usually focused wholly on the present moment. My mind darts back to the past and/or races ahead to an assumed future. Quite often, this past and future traveling that my mind does only further cements my attachment to what I consider to be “ground” in my life.
I can certainly learn from the past and I can powerfully dream about possibilities for my future. However, I need to remember that what I have is right here, right now. That is the valuable– present– information I can use to choose how I will act or respond to whatever is going on for me.
Being present and staying present are not always easy, but they help bring what is most important into focus. There is less need to worry and stew around because I am facing what I am facing– it is no more and no less than what it is right now.
This practice and realization can bring with it a certain calm and clarity. It supports decision-making that serves in the short- and long-term.
Practice finding your balance…even if you need to do it over and over again.
In a life where there is no ground, learning how to bring yourself to some form of balance is beneficial. This can mean being flexible, innovative, inventive and most definitely staying open.
What balance means is different for everyone, so figure out what feeling balanced means to you and then keep track of what has helped you regain balance when you’ve been thrown off in the past.
Hint: For me, coming back to the present moment is one tool that I use to regain balance.
Even if you have to reach for balance again and again because life keeps removing the ground from your feet, keep doing it. For most of us, there are pockets of time when the ground does feel more solid and dependable. During such a pocket of time, it’s a good idea to practice whatever helps you regain balance so that that strategy is familiar and comes more easily to you.
Regular meditation is another way to bring more balance. Even if I can only set aside 10 minutes to sit quietly, breathe deeply and focus only on my breath, I come away feeling refreshed and better able to face whatever is going on– no matter how groundless the situation seems.
Find what you can depend upon mostly within yourself…even if that’s changing too.
It is absolutely essential that each of us learns to go within when there seems to be no ground.
A recipe for upset is most definitely looking outside one’s self for security. I am NOT saying that it is advisable or healthy to blanketly expect other people, systems or structures to fail and be undependable. This can lead to isolation, mistrust and disconnection from others.
There is a big difference between accepting that life is often groundless and believing you are the only one you can count upon.
Freedom and expansion lie in knowing that the capacity for thriving lies within, even though as individuals we are changing all of the time. This means that, regardless of what is going on, we can be okay. We can shift and change as situations change. We can keep opening up to ourselves and to others.
We might even find that when the ground disappears from beneath our feet, we can fly.
