Double Exposed
Have you ever had a double exposed moment? Perhaps it feels like you’re living a double exposed life!
“Double exposure” is a technique used by some photographers. The result is the superimposing of two images on top of– or to the side of– one another. It is usually done intentionally to gain a particular effect. Pretty cool art!
There are far too many times in my own life when I feel as if I am having a double exposed* moment. It is as if I am speaking and reacting to some person or situation from the past and NOT speaking and responding to what’s going on right here and now.
The effect of this feels much like a double exposed photograph. It’s difficult to tell what is the now person and situation and what is not.
This is absolutely NOT very cool.
This is generally the recipe for overreactions, misunderstandings, arguments, distance and disconnection between me and those I am in relationships with. It is also usually a source of frustration, disappointment and feeling stuck and helpless.
For example, my husband will make a comment that– in the double exposed moment– sounds like it’s coming from my father’s mouth. All of my past experiences in which I felt and believed I was not good enough, not smart enough or somehow inferior in my father’s eyes come rushing in to this conversation I am having with my husband.
While my husband’s literal comment and intent may be loving and kind, there is some trigger which brings the past in, obscuring the present and distorting it. As you can guess, my reaction tends to be defensive, hurt or ashamed.
If I don’t stop myself, a whole lot of tension and distance can form between my husband and me.
In other words, double exposing my life is not helping me have the kind of relationships and experiences that I want…
And, it is a “technique” that I usually initiates (and continues) unconsciously.
The good news with acknowledging that I am responsible for the double exposing that goes on in my life is that I can also be responsible for interrupting myself and getting clearer.
I can get clear about what is the past and what is actually going on now. There may be present moment habits, words or actions that truly need to be addressed– but I can’t focus in on them when my attention is scattered and broken up between the now and the then.
In their book, Zero Limits, Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len ask the provoking question:
“Are you living from memory or from inspiration?”
This very simple question is loaded. So much of the time, so many of us live from memory.
This is not a huge surprise because it’s what we know. We know what we’ve experienced in the past. When it comes to certain things– such as the potential for getting burned by a fire or hot stove top– it can be wise to remember the past.
It can, for instance, be in your best interests to recognize the early signs of jealousy or tension in your own body that you’ve learned from past experience so that you can head off a jealous meltdown or prevent throwing out your back.
Unfortunately, many of us take this too far. We might double expose our lives by living almost completely from memory. We make assumptions and have expectations that other people, situations and our own selves will behave in particular ways just because that’s the way it has “always” been.
(This “always” is, of course, not necessarily accurate.)
Recognize when you’re living from memory.
So, are you mostly living your life from memory or from inspiration?
A vital first step in interrupting your own double exposed moments is to recognize when your memories of the past are obscuring and distorting your view of the present moment.
This step can be tricky. It’s a tempting and (to be blunt) pointless and harmful next step to use this recognition as an excuse to put your self down and self-criticize. Remember, beating yourself up for living from the past will NOT help you make a change.
Self-shaming and criticism are poor and ineffective change motivators.
Recognize that you are double exposing the conversation, situation or person with as much curiosity and humor as you can. Acknowledge that a memory– possible a very painful and significant memory– is dominating your view and remember to breathe and be gentle with yourself as you do this.
Letting go is just about never easy. It is, however, so important. There can be a delicate balance between giving voice to a memory that continues to haunt and stick with you and keeping yourself stuck in the past. There is probably something that needs to be resolved, forgiven and released.
The balance is in doing the acknowledging and learning necessary and then going ahead and releasing that memory.
In next week’s blog post, I will share some specific strategies for releasing the past and allowing yourself to be inspired by the now.
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*Aside from quick snapshots I take of my family, pets and interesting scenery, I am not a photographer. I apologize in advance if I am not exact in my application of this term to human behavior.
*Photo by Shannon Kringen from Creative Commons.
