A Salute to the Survivors
I’m just as surprised and angry about the ignorant and insensitive remarks Republican State Representative Pete DeGraaf of Kansas made recently.
As the Kansas state legislature attempts to whittle away at a woman’s right and support to make her own reproductive choices– including abortion– DeGraaf callously compared being raped to having a flat tire.
Perhaps he didn’t literally mean it.
Maybe he inadvertently chose an unfortunately cruel analogy to argue his position that insurance policies should not cover abortions for women who are left pregnant after a rape, unless of course they “plan ahead” for a rape pregnancy by pre-purchasing “abortion-only coverage.”
Maybe this was just sheer ignorance and lack of thought…and maybe it wasn’t.
Whatever DeGraaf was thinking, I don’t believe that anyone (regardless of the person’s position on abortion) with a compassionate bone in his or her body would compare rape to a flat tire. I also sincerely doubt that those who can think logically would expect any person to plan ahead for a rape.
As asinine as these comments are and as much as I agree with his critics, I see a danger in the response DeGraaf has received in the aftermath.
He’s getting a whole lot of attention.
While there are many loud voices calling for the end of his political career as well as the demise of this legislation, there are also undoubtedly dollars (lots of them) flowing into his campaign fund, in part because of the attention he’s receiving.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life so far, it’s to be aware of what I’m focusing on. Too many times, I’ve been concentrated on avoiding what I don’t want or fixated on what I fear and this only seems to bring that very thing into my life quickly and intensely.
Call it Law of Attraction, if you will.
Like a magnet, what we focus upon, we attract. My anger and exasperation toward politicians like DeGraaf and legislation like this will mostly bring me more exasperating and anger-inducing situations again and again and again.
When the focus is on the antics of DeGraaf and his cronies, the focus is NOT on what really matters.
I most certainly do NOT want to see this type of legislation enacted into law, but I also don’t want to indirectly help DeGraaf et al gain political steam and authority. I don’t want to offer another moment of my energy to this kind of hatred and insensitivity.
Here’s what I propose instead…
Let’s give a salute to the survivors of rape, incest, sexual abuse and other forms of abuse. Too many women, and men as well, have had to re-learn their innate goodness and heal from atrocious violations at the hands of others– often those who were once trusted and loved family members, friends, teachers, pastors, priests or mentors.
Let’s offer support, love and reassurance to those who have experienced these often crippling violations and are surviving– no, they’re thriving– in spite of and because of the trauma they’ve experienced.
Let’s make it our focus and our goal as individuals to teach and live peaceful and respectful lives. This can mean that our children know with 100% certainty that “No means No” and that, no matter what their age or what the circumstances, they have a right to be safe, honest, heard and believed.
Let’s remember that none of us should have to carry around shame or to feel like a victim any longer. If you have survived rape or abuse, reach out and get real help. Find a support group, a counselor or therapist, a book or other resource that really speaks to you and then do the work. The shame and other feelings aren’t going to leave until you face them and find effective ways to release them.
Let’s seek out and support leaders of all kinds who will work within the (imperfect) systems that we have to ensure that legal protections are in place for girls, boys, women and men who do experience rape or abuse.
Let’s envision a world where there is no such thing as rape, incest or abuse, where every human being is treated with respect and is free to be the unique and precious person she or he chooses to be.
——————————————————————————–
For resource information, including a toll-free hotline, visit the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network
