The Blessing (and Curse) That Is Impermanence
On a day like today, I am grateful for impermanence.
When I am in a place of grouchiness and am facing such things as an equally grouchy teenager, a large car repair bill, cold temperatures, gray skies and more I am somewhat soothed when I remind myself that this moment in time won’t last forever.
This may not exactly be what the Buddha meant when he taught about impermanence, but I do find some comfort in it, at least temporarily and on the surface.
But, of course, there is a cost to this mind game I tend to play.
I can conveniently avoid my feelings, challenging situations and uncomfortable dynamics in relationships when I look to the next moment for relief– that point in time when a shift will happen. The car will be fixed, my mood will improve, my son’s mood will improve and the sun will come out.
Knowing that everything is impermanent– it is constantly changing and in flux– is valuable. It is somewhat of a blessing, at least it can be. It can also be twisted, turned around and end up as a self-imposed curse.
When a notion like impermanence is merely a means to avoid and deny, it’s just another tactic that is bound to cause more pain and turmoil.
Here’s how…
When I tell myself that this difficult moment won’t last forever and a change is going to come, my focus is decidedly NOT on the here and now.
Instead, it is on some projected vision of a future I want to experience. And, while there’s nothing wrong with envisioning a desired future, there’s also a big drawback to focusing on that future as a way to avoid the present moment.
The drawback is that, in the meantime, the present moment continues along without my deliberate awareness. As I wish and hope for the change I want to come (and soon), I am bumbling along rather mindlessly. I tend to react to situations and people I am with right here and now instead of responding to them.
The results to this mindlessness is generally more pain, more challenges and more disconnection. There is also a whole stockpile of shoved down feelings that don’t get dealt with and are left to intensify.
A second drawback to using impermanence as an escape of sorts is that it only highlights my perceived limitations of what I have and what I’m experiencing at this moment. Yes, there could be all kinds of unwanted stuff going on for me at any particular time. But, there’s always other stuff too– I just don’t see it because what I see are the unwanteds.
Those same icky, unwanted situations, conditions and events can also be experienced in vastly different ways, depending on me. For example, I can experience my grumpy son as just another stressful part of my day– another thing giving me grief. On the other hand, when I am present and “here,” I can be irritated and also benefit from taking the time to really listen to what’s true for him. There can be a precious moment of connection between us, even though neither of us feels light-hearted and joyful at the moment.
This capacity for choice and for deliberately shifting my own perception/experience of a situation is lost when I am caught up in impermanence as an escape.
I’m not present to bring any improvements to my now.
The blessing of impermanence is letting in a greater sense of peace.
The blessing is in keeping my focus and myself here and now– even as I know this moment is constantly changing. When I stop fighting both the present moment (as denial or escape) and the fleetingness of the present moment (as attachment to the “good stuff”), amazing things can happen.
I am better able to see what’s possible in the moment and to really open to the opportunities that are there. I can actually feel genuine gratitude for a situation– even if it isn’t exactly what I wanted. My emotions can surface and release in healthy ways, which means I am not as weighed down by them as before.
I can live more freely, joyously and abundantly with who I am, where I am and what I have. Even though everything is already changing and there are no guarantees, I can be okay– even happy– right here and right now.
Comment from momochii
Time April 26, 2011 at 4:03 am
Couldnt agree more with that, very attractive article