Stirring Up “Trouble”
I think of myself as a pretty positive kind of person. I make it a point to focus on what, to me, is going “right” in a situation.
If the cake I bake falls, I remind myself that it still tastes good. If I have to spend an afternoon with someone who usually annoys me, I try to find something about the visit that I can genuinely appreciate.
(Okay, I’ll admit it. This is an intention and not always the way it plays out.)
I don’t enjoy honing in on those things about my life (and myself) that are troublesome or painful– I don’t think that many people do. Even as I tout the benefits of “going there,” I prefer to keep myself trained on the positives as much as possible and build from there.
“If I feel mostly okay, why would I want to stir up trouble?”
This is a thought that crossed my mind when teacher and coach Martha Creek encouraged those of us at her recent workshop to do just the opposite of what I prefer.
Creek pointed out that even if you feel 99% great, that 1% of pain or conflict can dominate your life. That tiny sliver of inner turmoil can obscure all of the wonderful things that you’ve got going on, if it’s left unquestioned and uninterrupted.
For you, the percentages may differ. You might feel 75% okay and 25% crappy most of the time or 25% okay and 75% crappy. By the way, my percentages fluctuate all of the time and yours probably do too.
The question here is what do you want to feel more of the time? Are the pain and turmoil (no matter what the percentages) overriding your happier experiences?
You might be on a vacation, out to dinner at your favorite restaurant or spending time with a person you truly enjoy and you aren’t feeling as fabulous about this as you could. You might be facing a challenge in your life and unable to understand why this seems so much more difficult than it really is.
Look at the themes of your life.
One a-ha moment for me during Creek’s workshop was when we were each asked to write down every person we could think of who has “wronged” us. Beside the name of each person, we were supposed to write down what the person did to hurt us.
You can probably imagine how difficult this exercise was.
When I looked over my list and the things that I believe have been done to me by others, I was surprised to see that I wrote down the same word (or synonyms for that word) over and over again.
Creek suggested that these recurring “wrongs” indicate themes for our lives. What it is will be different for each person, but there are almost always themes.
When you identify the themes for your life up to this point, you’ve probably reached the heart of your 1% of pain and turmoil. While this information is rarely pleasant to get to, it is potentially life-changing when you do.
Just as we did at Creek’s workshop, you could list off everyone who has ever “wronged” you and what they did in order to figure out your life themes. If this brings up emotions, let them come. At the same time, stay open to what emerges from your list.
Another idea is to sit down with a pen and piece of paper the next time you feel out of sorts or depressed. Just free-write– without censoring yourself– about what is going on for you (now and from the past) and how you feel about it. Either just after writing this or the next day, read over what you wrote. Be on the lookout for themes in your writing. These are most likely your 1%.
Question your 1%.
So now that I have identified, for example, that I have a core belief that I am not good enough or will always be rejected by those I love, I can begin to question that belief. If your core beliefs are anything like mine, they feel very solid and fixed. It can even seem to me like I am trapped in this way of experiencing myself and my reality.
The magic happens when those core beliefs and thoughts are questioned. When questioning happens, what was once solid, oppressive and immutable becomes changeable. This provides more space for a different experience…and a different reality.
Creek teaches a process of thought inquiry called “The Work” to her clients and workshop participants. This thought-questioning tool was developed by Byron Katie, a teacher, author and speaker.
“The Work” may sound a bit simple– it’s just 4 questions and a turnaround– but its effects are amazing. I encourage you to learn about and explore this process by visiting Martha Creek and Byron Katie’s websites.*
When you question a thought, you aren’t denying that you feel pain or that someone else acted violently or hurtfully toward you. This isn’t about letting yourself be a doormat or convincing yourself that actions or a set of circumstances were “right” or “wrong.”
This is about exploring the core beliefs that you have that, most likely, are dictating the way you live your life.
What “The Work” boils down to is gently and lovingly uncovering the layers of what each of us has always thought to be true, but that we don’t necessarily want to look at. It is questioning even the most difficult and solid beliefs as a way to bring peace and expand upon whatever percentage of okay-ness and happiness you have going on.
This has the potential to be absolutely freeing.
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*Click here to learn more about Martha Creek and to find out when and where her next workshop will be.
Click here to learn more about Byron Katie and “The Work.”
