Moving Beyond Inevitable
I’ve been reading an informative book called Outsmarting the Midlife Fat Cell by dietitian Debra Waterhouse. As I’ve hit my 40s, I’m starting to notice some signs of change in my body. This book has been a great resource to help me understand these changes, as well as ones to come.
What I appreciate about Waterhouse’s book is that she explains that, for women, meeting midlife weight gain with a food restriction-diet approach is only going to make things more difficult. It turns out that the ever-expanding fat cells in a woman’s body during the 10 or 20 years of perimenopause* actually help to ease women through this transitional time.
What troubles me somewhat about Waterhouse’s discussion* of perimenopause is that her tone, to me, seems to indicate that it’s inevitable that I will have mood swings, noticeable weight gain in certain areas, particular food cravings, etc.
There is a fine line between helping a person to understand a transition of any kind by pointing to science and experiential tendencies AND painting a picture of that phase of life as irrevocably a particular way.
How many experiences, such as perimenopause, do we believe are just inevitably going to be a certain way?
I remember being told by well-meaning relatives that, when each of my sons turned 2 years old all hell would break loose and they would be defiant and throw non-stop temper tantrums.
The phenomenon of the “terrible twos” can make any parent terrified. It can seem inevitable.
I’ve heard parents of older children dread the day that they have a teenager in the house. The notion of teenage-dom can appear to promise nothing but defiance and non-stop temper tantrums.
The inevitability of the angry, angst-y teen is assumed by many, including me from time to time.
The list goes on and on.
It can seem inevitable that as you age your body will decline and you will develop arthritis, heart disease or other diseases and become senile.
It is often assumed to be inevitable that the magic and passion will fade in a love relationship or marriage leaving the couple, in a best case scenario, as pleasant, tolerating housemates.
It is purported to be inevitable that countries, factions and ethnic groups will go to war with one another over resources or religious differences.
Inevitability can start to feel like an ever-shrinking box that is closing in on each one of us all of the time. When I follow the trail of inevitable thinking, I can quickly feel helpless and begin to believe that everything is out of my control.
It’s just inevitable.
When I question assumptions like those I’ve just laid out, I can only come up with one thing that truly IS inevitable…
Every single one of us will inevitably die one day.
That’s it.
For each and every one of those other inevitables (that I mentioned and those that I didn’t) there is a vast array of different experiences available.
There are women who do not gain significant amounts of weight at middle age. There are plenty of senior citizens whose bodies and minds remain healthy and vibrant. There are a lot of both toddlers and teenagers who, for the most part, are respectful, enjoyable human beings to be around. There are also many, many couples who have active and satisfying sex lives with one another well into their “golden years.”
The great thing about affirming to myself that there are more diverse experiences possible than what is assumed or expected, I can begin to move beyond inevitable. I can recognize my power and my ability to create the kind of life experience that I want.
Yes, of course, my fat cells are getting bigger and my clothing a little tighter as my body embarks on its perimenopausal journey. However, when I remind myself that it’s not inevitable for me to be at the mercy of my hormones, my expanding fat cells or anything else about this process, I can more easily make choices.
There are definitely many things that are not in my control.
But, the essential thing for me to remember is that I get to choose how I will respond to the people, situations and conditions of my life. A deliberate response can erase “inevitable” and open up a wide open field of what’s possible.
———————————————————————————–
*Perimenopause is defined by the World English Dictionary as: “the period leading up to the menopause during which some of the symptoms associated with menopause may be experienced.”
*To be fair to Waterhouse, she does acknowledge that women’s perimenopausal experiences do differ. This article is not meant as a critique or review of this informative and valuable resource.
Comments
Comment from Amy Phillips-Gary
Time February 4, 2011 at 6:41 pm
Very good point and I don’t need to be convinced of what you are saying, Susan. So much is possible– even that which blows my mind & conception of reality.
Comment from Susan Shorr
Time February 4, 2011 at 8:02 am
I also challenge the inevitability of death. There is no reason to deny physical immortality as a distinct possibility and there are immortal beings around us now. I believe the body can be healed at any instant and, in fact, bodies can be materialized and dematerialized at will (won\’t it be cool to get to that place!). I can suggest books to read; google Leonard Orr and read some of his stuff… let me know if you want more and I\’ll check my resources…