What’s Your Motivation?
5 or 6 years ago, in response to the words of my doctor and results of a cholesterol test, I lost around 25 pounds over the course of several months. I began to exercise, I cut out sugary, processed foods and ate more vegetables and whole foods– all great things to do for my overall health. I was also able to lower my cholesterol levels so that they were all in the healthy range.
It felt great…except that it didn’t.
Yes, I was happy that my body was slimmer and more fit. Yes, I was delighted that I lowered my cholesterol without the use of prescription drugs.
But, at the same time, I felt a whole lot of fear. Looking back, I have to say that it was primarily fear that motivated me to make the changes to my diet and exercise routine. It was fear that propelled me to lose weight.
No surprise, I did not keep those extra 25 or so pounds off. I stayed at that new, trimmer body size for a significant amount of time, but I have now most likely put all of those pounds and possibly a few more back on. (At last check, my cholesterol levels were still in the healthy-acceptable range.)
Of course, there are all kinds of reasons why I did not keep those pounds off. I believe that one very big reason why is my motivation. As I said, what motivated me to lose weight was fear.
At the time, I listened to what my doctor said about high cholesterol and me “having” to go on cholesterol-lowering medications– that I also knew have some seriously detrimental long-term side effects– and I mostly felt pressured and afraid.
What might have been different if it wasn’t fear that motivated me?
What if, for example, I had been eager to have more energy from being in better physical shape and eating healthier foods? What if I had been excited to feel more confident and comfortable in a toned, fit and smaller body?
I still don’t have any “magic” answers to how to lose weight, get in shape and stay there. I’ve read some wonderful books by people, such as Geneen Roth, who have very naturally– and in affirming ways– made peace with their bodies and come away with pleasing physical and emotional results.
What I do know is that being motivated by fear was only helpful in the short term.
Even as my muscles toned and the pounds fell away, I felt gnawing fear. Thoughts that ran through my mind were often, “I can never eat that again,” “I can’t miss a workout” or “If I don’t keep up this regimen I will get fat again.”
Fear just doesn’t work to effectively make sustainable changes.
Neither do guilt, anger or shame.
Any of these emotions may be what wakes you up. They are useful, valid and valuable and it’s what any of us might be feeling during particular points in our lives.
You might feel shameful about regularly getting drunk or high. You could feel angry that your spouse treats you with disrespect or cheats on you.
I urge you to feel your feelings. Give yourself permission and space to be with those feelings. However, in the midst of anger, shame, guilt and fear, it’s probably not a wise idea to embark on a new way of living unless you really have to.
Instead, acknowledge your feelings and also begin to reach for improvements. If you feel fearful or shameful about a habit or condition and you’d like to change it, devote some time to feeling forward.
What might be the benefits of losing weight, being sober, stopping smoking or changing your relationship? Focus some of your energy on how great it will feel to make this change. This gradual shift will line you up for the improvement you’re going for.
This can help motivate you in ways that are more sustainable and longer-lasting.
If you are in an abusive situation or your health is imminently in danger, whatever motivation you can use to get out of harm’s way is advisable. Once you are in a safer place, you can begin to shift your motivation as you continue along on your path.
What are the “right” reasons to make a change?
I’m not here to tell you that being motivated by fear or anger is bad or wrong. There are mostly likely plenty of people out there who have success stories about kicking habits and reaching big goals while motivated by fear.
I would ask each of those people and you and myself too…
How do you feel during and after you’ve made that change? Is that motivating feeling one that you want to carry with you through life? Is it truly serving you to walk around with fear/anger/shame/guilt or whatever you are motivated by?
For me, I want to walk around feeling confident, healthy, happy and at peace with where I am and where I’m going.
I know from experience that even in a smaller pants size and with a more fit body, a fearful motivation and state of emotion did not and does not serve me.
From that experience, I am coming to better know what does serve me. This knowing makes me excited, eager and ready to learn and grow more.
