Room for All
The traditional Christmas story goes something like this…
A very pregnant Mary and her husband Joseph find themselves in Bethlehem. Because of a government-ordered census, there is no room at any inn and, finally, the couple settles in to a humble stable, sharing the space with sheep and cows.
After Mary gives birth to Jesus in the stable and lays him a manger, a star and Angel guide all manner of wise men, shepherds and others to visit this special baby who grows up to be a very wise and enlightened man.
Of course, there is all kinds of historical and scientific research that calls into question the validity of this story and whether it happened in exactly this way at exactly this time. Your own religious or spiritual beliefs might cause you to question the assumptions that underlie the story as well.
Whether or not the birth of Jesus happened as it is recorded to have happened is certainly open to debate.
Regardless of all of these possible questions, the Christmas nativity scene from this well-known story remains etched in our collective cultural mind with Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus, cows, sheep, shepherds, wise men, gifts, angels and more all gathered together in one smallish space to celebrate Jesus’ birth.
This would most definitely be a crowded stable!
In a funny sort of way, the crowded and probably slightly chaotic and messy scene portrayed in the traditional Christmas story feels a bit like my emotions around the holidays.
You see, the face of the holidays are all “jolly and bright,” “peace and goodwill to all” and so on, but the underbelly of them are usually quite different.
In my own experience, I feel more stressed and easily overwhelmed by the shopping and baking required to prepare for the holidays. I feel excited about getting together with family and friends to laugh and enjoy one another’s company. I feel sad that my dear grandmother is no longer alive to share the holidays with. I feel wistful about the days when my sons were younger, full of eagerness and wonder over the magic of Santa.
I feel crowded with a whole mess of emotions.
What makes this even more challenging is the belief that there’s only room for the merriment and joy. It can seem like there’s something wrong when I recognize that I’m feeling a whole lot more than just Christmas cheer.
Creating inner space.
The key to peace and genuine enjoyment of the holidays– and anytime of year– is to create inner space for the whole mess of emotions that you might be feeling too.
Remember that it’s not only okay, it’s advisable, to acknowledge that you feel sad when you feel sad or irritated, angry, nostalgic, silly, afraid, anxious OR happy and joyful when that’s how you feel.
It’s really quite simple…yet, most of us make it so complicated.
Especially during the holiday season when we are surrounded by parties, celebrations, cheery songs, festive ads and television programs, it can feel downright inappropriate to feel anything but joyous and jolly. Nobody wants to be a downer or squash the good times that others are having and so we tend to hide or deny the mix of feelings we might be having at times.
The major drawback to not acknowledging all of your feelings– even the uncomfortable and seemingly inappropriate ones– is that they don’t just disappear. Try as you might to drink, eat or otherwise numb out, those emotions are still there.
They usually get bigger and more intense the more we try to ignore them too.
Give yourself permission to deliberately choose what you do and with whom. If you need a night home alone to cry and pour through old photographs of holidays past, do it. If you don’t want to do anything festive (and don’t even want to think about the holidays) for a period of time, let yourself do that too.
You can also give yourself permission to dive right in to the festivities when you’re called to do that. Who cares if it’s silly to sing “Jingle Bells” at the top of your lungs and who’s to say that you’re too old to make a wish to Santa or on a Christmas star.
So, whether or not you are Christian and whether or not you believe in the Christmas story, learn from it anyway. There IS room for all in your experience.
There is room for your tears, your sorrow AND your laughter and silliness. In fact, the beauty of the season– and of life itself– is in expanding enough to allow it all with love.
