The Runaway
It is dusk on a Monday evening. A pleasant walk through our neighborhood with my teenage son and the family dog is interrupted by the quick dart of a small furry creature dashing from shrub to shrub.
…And she’s off.
Our St. Bernard cannot resist chasing a rabbit (or any other small, quick-moving creature).
The leash jerks out of my son’s hands and what we see next is the brown and white flash of our dog on the hunt– around the corner, through front yards, into back yards and over low fences.
My reaction is to tear off running– even though I’m well aware that this only causes our dog to run faster– and to angrily yell at her to, “Sit down”– despite the fact that I know an angry voice is ineffective with this dog.
Finally, we are able to tackle the dog and regain control of the leash, but it isn’t easy or quick.
There are countless “runaway” experiences that any of us have in our day-to-day lives.
These range from the frustration when a pet (or even a child) literally runs away, to a conversation with a loved one that ends up completely opposite from what was expected, to the fearful or worrisome thoughts that may crop up for us at any one moment.
I consider a “runaway” experience to be something which unexpectedly occurs and feels absolutely out of control. Try as we might, the other people, animals, situations and even our very own thoughts will not listen as we attempt to make them behave in a particular way.
Just as I pretty much reacted without wise and reasoned thinking to our St. Bernard’s flight through the neighborhood, when faced with a “runaway” experience, the reaction also tends to be automatic and impulsive…which often only makes the whole situation more difficult, intense and out of control.
But, can any of us truly prepare for a “runaway” experience?
It’s probably not a good idea to plan for things to go wrong (although many of us find ourselves doing just that). I know a woman who took her son, just before his first day of kindergarten, to the school cafeteria where he would be eating each weekday and she made him practice what he would do after he dropped his lunch tray on the floor in front of his classmates.
Of course, this mother had her son’s best interests in mind and was trying to help him avoid embarrassment. I have to wonder if this whole scheme backfired, however. Sure enough, he dropped his tray of food in the first weeks of school.
In a very different way, it can be extremely helpful to practice so that when you face a “runaway” experience you will greet it with as much calm and centered-ness as possible…I’m not so sure that expecting the calamities you fear (lunch dropped on the floor, bankruptcy, infidelity and illness, for example) is necessary, or wise.
The kind of practice that I’m talking about is learning how to return to your center– your ground– even when events, people and pets take you by surprise.
The best way that I know to do this is to get into the habit of coming back to your center throughout the day.
When you sit at a stop light, wait for your computer to load, even as you wait for the pot of water to boil for your dinner, deliberately bring your attention inward. Breathe deeply and slowly from your abdomen, soften your gaze and release any parts of your body that might have tensed up.
You don’t have to think any particular mantra, prayer or affirmation as you do this. It’s actually better if you can let any thoughts you are having just float past for now. Instead, gently steer your attention inside yourself and breathe.
Notice how it feels when you do this.
Some people find it helpful to breathe deeply and slowly and literally feel their feet on the ground (or the floor if indoors). Again, direct your attention within yourself and to the sensation of being in touch with the ground that is supporting you as you breathe in and out.
It only takes a few seconds (though you can extend this if you choose to) of returning to your center throughout the day to have a positive effect. The goal here is to make centered and grounded your “set point,” or more natural state, to which you can return when life gets crazy.
Being centered may not prevent your dog from bolting after a rabbit or any other “runaway” sort of experience, but it will make a HUGE difference in what comes next.
Your ability to stay centered and calmer in the face of the unexpected and out of control will allow you to bring improvements to just about any situation more quickly and effectively.
Try it and see!
