The Surprising Secret to Strength
A muscle-bound man or woman
To endure extreme challenges or difficulties
A tensed and ready-for-anything state
Pushing against, forcing movement
All of these phrases, to me, signify strength. Whether it’s the weight-lifter who hefts and holds overhead more than 200 lbs. or the CEO who manages to motivate thousands of employees, there is something tough and hard about strength.
This proves problematic when I encourage myself to be strong in my own life.
I feel my muscles tense up, I notice my perceptions and opinions become more rigid and fixed. I tend to resist whatever is going on– within me or outside of me– that is not preferable.
It’s pretty clear that this understanding of strength does not allow me to really live the kind of life I want. Where I usually get stuck is in a weak-strong dichotomy.
I recognize the limits to holding myself– and my views– locked up and unyielding. I also recognize that what seems to be the alternative, to be weak, is also not going to serve me.
Of course, there is a lot space in between those two extremes, but it’s not always evident or easily available…especially in moments of stress and difficulty when automatic reactions tend to lead the way.
So, I’ve begun to re-think strength.
It’s beginning to soak in that there is far more to this revered trait than what usually comes to my mind. The trick for me, and maybe for you too, is to re-teach myself what strength can be.
The surprising secret to strength is that actually has nothing to do with brute force (or really any kind of force at all). It is less about bulk and brawn than it is about confidence, assurance, clarity and direction.
Strength can be gentle.
Tarot cards have been used by people all over the Western world since as far back as the 15th century. These are probably more widely associated with gypsies, fortune tellers and psychics.
Each card in a tarot deck contains a different representation and symbolism. One of my favorite tarot cards is the #8 card, Strength. While the art and design varies by type of deck, the Strength card usually shows a young woman who is either closing or opening the mouth of a lion.
In simplified terms, the symbolism of the Strength tarot card is that a gentle, abiding inner strength is far more powerful than raw, brute force.
How many times have I seen this in my own life? (I cannot count them all.)
From the stuck faucet handle that breaks when I try to force it to move, to the full-blown argument that ensues when I attempt to control one of my sons, time and time again I am shown that trying to enforce my will in a harsh and domineering way never brings me the outcome I seek.
The gentleness might come in the form of a tool to provide leverage to that stuck handle or the willingness to really listen to my son before I make a final decision about the issue.
With gentleness, clarity and confidence, I can move more easily toward what I wanted.
Strength most definitely comes from deep within.
I am watching more than a few of my close friends dig within themselves for the kind of resilience and inner strength that I am also striving for.
These friends of mine have gone through various forms of huge life-changing experiences over the past year. Some are embarking on new lives after divorce and are adjusting to now being single parents. Others are going back to school, which means upheaval in their lives on many levels.
Strength is certainly a must when it comes to transitions and changes such as these.
What sometimes feels especially challenging is that we don’t always feel very strong– or even capable of being strong– when life seems to rip the carpet out from under our feet again and again and again.
The strength has got to come from within, deep within, and it can seem like a search to find it.
I’m here to remind each of us that it IS there.
One way to cultivate inner strength is to acknowledge that you’re already strong. Too many times, when we’re going through a rough phase in our lives, we don’t give ourselves credit for the many acts of courage, stamina and resilience that we display every day.
Begin to regularly notice when you do something strong– even if it seems small and insignificant to you.
Another way to cultivate inner strength is to use the resources available to you. Who says you have to do this all by yourself?!
If being with your friends bolsters you and helps you feel better able to face the challenges in your life with just a bit more confidence, draw on that resource. If there are books, movies, music, prayers, affirmations, mantras or whatever is uplifting to you, turn to them for a boost.
Strength comes from within and it can be fed and sustained by opening up to support from outside yourself whether it is from the love and care of friends and family, the words and rhythms of music or the presence of your spiritual Source.
Look in the mirror right now and see the gentle, resilient and strong you that’s in there waiting to be acknowledged and expanded.
