Personal Growth Planet Blog

To be called “selfish,” is rarely a compliment.

In the dictionary, the word is defined as: self-serving, self-interested, stingy, egotistical and more. None of these descriptions have any morsel of positive connotation either.

I grew up an only child and I totally cringe when I hear another person drag out that tired stereotype of the spoiled and selfish only child.

But, what if being selfish wasn’t such a detestable and shame-worthy thing after all?

What if being selfish was actually just the way that we all are– when we really admit it? And what if owning our own selfish-nesses helped make this world a better place?

If this sounds to you like a certain only child reaching for some justification, it’s not and here’s why…

Selfishness gets a bad rap and I think it’s merely misunderstood. When you really stop and think about it, each and every one of us is automatically and unavoidably self-centered.

None of us can help it. This is the skin we live in, the shoes we walk through life in and the eyes and ears by which we perceive it all.

It’s all about perception.

The reason why we all are selfish is because we all can only truly experience the world from a very unique vantage point…our own. I will go even further and say that this unique vantage point we each bring literally creates the experiences that we have.

When I admit that I am selfish and declare that you are too, I’m merely stating the obvious.

We are all looking at the world through our very own lens of reality. Because of this, we most certainly will advocate for particular things and not for others. We will each want, prefer and live our lives according to what resonates best with our self-centered perspective.

Isn’t it time to own it, embrace it and acknowledge that we are all selfish and that’s actually okay?

If we’re all selfish, there’s no need for judgment and criticism.
Let’s say that there’s only one cookie left in the box and it’s your favorite type of cookie. You think about having that last cookie as a treat all day long– kind of a reward for dealing with all that you have to deal with.

Unfortunately, when, with great anticipation, you reach into the box for that last cookie, you find that it’s gone. Your child mentions that he ate it because, of course, it is also his favorite type of cookie.

In a situation like this, your reaction might be irritation mixed with disappointment and you might likely find yourself calling your son’s actions “selfish.” “How selfish it was for him to eat the last cookie!”

Whether you admit it or not, judging another person “selfish” can be a false way to boost your own esteem or righteousness.

Much of the time, these labels move throughout the mind (and sometimes come out the mouth too) only semi-consciously. It is a way that we keep ourselves feeling upstanding and good, even if it’s by means tearing down another person (and setting our own selves up for a later fall).

There is a certain freedom when you are able to move beyond judgment and criticism. Re-thinking the whole notion of selfishness can get you closer to such a freedom.

While there might be disappointment that the last cookie has been eaten, when selfishness is taken out of the “bad” category, the action is just an event. There is no need for criticism or deeming another to be in the wrong– after all, eating that last cookie is what you were hoping to do too.

You and your son can go buy another box of cookies or just enjoy remembering together the delicious flavors of your shared favorite.

Be selfish enough to want improvement.
When selfishness is merely the way that we all are– neither bad nor good– we are also each freer to take our experiences to the next level.

I can be selfish enough to create more loving, harmonious and respectful relationships with my family and friends.

You can be selfish enough to do your part in making your company, firm or business the best it can be.

We all can be selfish enough to make contributions to our communities and world that will bring thriving, peace and abundance.

This is selfish and self-interested AND it can benefit far more than just one person.

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* Photo by Dan Foy- Flickr Creative Commons.

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Tags: criticism, judgment, only child, personal growth, self-centered, Self-Improvement, selfish