Personal Growth Planet Blog

Lately, my shoulders have been very, very tight. My husband massages them and I hear the icky crunch of the tight muscle. I stretch them, use counter-pressure and remind myself to breathe.

And still my shoulders get tight. This affects my neck, arms and entire back– in unpleasant ways.

I am able to relax on the weekends and experience some loosening up, but especially after an extended period of time at work writing at my computer, the tightness ratchets back up leaving me uncomfortable and sometimes in pain.

I had a significant Aha moment about this whole tight shoulder thing recently. I realized that I maintain a particular belief that manifests in my literal body.

I uncovered within myself a contention that relaxing and being productive are contradictory to one another. This crushing contradiction most definitely affects my ability to stay loose, flexible and comfortable as I work.

What are the crushing contradictions that you pile upon yourself?

These are the beliefs that we all have that cause a push-pull within. These are the habitual thoughts we think that make us hold back and remain stuck with one foot as we propel ourselves forward with the other foot.

It is quite common for any of us to have mixed feelings about particular situations, relationships and even ourselves in some respect.

To be a “good” mom, you have to put your career and passions on hold.
To be a loving husband, you always have to say “yes” to your wife.
To be an ethically sound person, you can’t be too rich or financially abundant.
To be healthy and slim, you can’t eat foods that you enjoy.

The list could (and does) go on and on.

Is it possible to never be conflicted or split down the middle? Maybe and maybe not.

What is absolutely possible is for you to get out from under the contradictions that you struggle with every day and that prevent you from living the life you desire.

Here’s how…

Step 1: Recognize what the contradiction is.
This is obvious, yet essential.

Until I had my Aha moment, I chocked up my tight shoulders to the repetitive movements I do, the typing, the way I sit at my desk– that probably ARE a factor in what I’m experiencing.

I was missing an important piece of the puzzle though.

Once I recognized that, deep down inside, I hold this belief that relaxation is one thing and being productive is a very different (and opposite) thing, my interest was peaked.

The link between my tight shoulders and this belief that a person is EITHER relaxing OR working and being productive is evident to me now.

If you haven’t had an Aha moment yet about your situation, initiate one. It’s quite likely that the areas of your life about which you feel conflicted and pushed and pulled are those that are most dissatisfying to you.

Start there.

Feel into yourself to detect where you might be conflicted or pulled apart in your thinking. From there, the contradiction will be more easily known.

Step 2: What’s behind the contradiction?
This step takes you one step further. Now that you know your contradictions, get to know them a little bit more.

Specifically get to know the beliefs and thoughts that have formed this contradiction for you in the first place.

It might be helpful for you to take out a piece of paper and do some writing. At the top of your piece of paper, write down the contradiction you’ve identified within yourself. (Even if you discovered many, just focus on one for now.)

Underneath that contradiction, write down any and all thoughts that come into your mind when you read that contradiction either aloud or silently.

With me and my relaxing-productive contradiction, I hear thoughts such as these: “Being lazy is a bad thing,” “I have to always do my share of the work,” “I can’t slack off during work hours,” “I have to work ___ of hours a week,” “I can’t chill out, read a book or play until ___ is done,” “I have to prove my worth through my work.”

And so on.

None of these thoughts are necessarily right or wrong, true or false.

What is most important with this exercise is to get those thoughts out into the open. They are fueling the contradiction. They are causing the push-pull within that often has very real and debilitating consequences.

Step #3) Make a shift.
We’ve all heard the saying “Knowledge is power.” This is most certainly the case when it comes to those crushing contradictions.

Now that you know what the contradiction is that stands between you and the life you want and now that you know what the thoughts are that keep that contradiction and the push-pull going, you can begin to make a shift.

A shift that will dissolve the contradiction starts at the source…YOU!

You are the one who is thinking these conflicting thoughts over and over again until they seem solid and immovable and you believe that this is the way it has to be.

You are the one who can also question the thoughts and begin to play around in the BOTH/AND.

I love the shift that happens when I move from either/or to both/and.

I can start to think in terms of being productive AND relaxing…even on a work day. I can begin to sit down at my computer intending to BOTH write personal growth articles AND do so with a sense of fun, lightness and ease.

Just as those contradictions took time to form in your belief system, these new, freer ways of thinking and being might require practice and deliberation on your part.

Stick with this and know that even the most rigid contradictions can be opportunities for expansion in disguise.

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Tags: contradictions, Diet, Health, personal growth, productivity, Relationships, Relaxation, Self-Improvement, stress, work