Personal Growth Planet Blog

“That’s unladylike…”
“She’s too old to wear a mini-skirt…”
“Who does she think she is?…”
“Why would he be with HER?…”
“She just needs to act her age…”

Many of us have heard– or even uttered– words like these. We see a woman acting in some way that appears, to us, to be out of the norm and possibly even ridiculous.

We might do a double-take as we see the obviously older woman romantically involved with a much younger man. We can’t help but stare a bit at the woman in her 50s dressed in attire that we associate with 20 year olds.

There have always been “rules” for how a woman should be. I grew up being taught– culturally and in my family– to be pretty, but not too pretty. Be smart and capable, but not too smart or capable. Speak up, but not too much.

These weren’t necessarily overt or even intentional lessons, but they came through nonetheless.

Some of this is unique to my early experiences, and some of it expands to what others might also have garnered.

I was never expected to “just” be a housewife because of my race, socio-economic status and education. But there was a sense of an invisible ceiling. Succeed…but not too much.

I don’t blame my family or even my culture for this. To be honest, I don’t find blame all that useful.

But it is important to notice that these beliefs have been instilled in me and that I, on some level, persist in believing them.

So now that I have hit my 40s, I am keenly aware when I hear a limiting comment about a woman who is not “acting her age.”

Yes, there are television shows, movies and websites that spotlight “cougars” (women who date or sleep with men who are young enough to be their sons), but the connotations of this term indicate that this is way out of the ordinary.

Why, I have to wonder, is this just focused on older women who “prey” on younger men? Why is it somehow less of a rule-breaker for a man to become sexually involved with a woman young enough to be his daughter?

What are the rules that you’re ready to be free of?
I do not intend to dress, adorn my body, speak or behave in certain ways just so that I am in accordance with these age and gender rules.

As rebellious as I claim to be about all of this, I must admit that I am probably the strictest enforcer of all.

Too many times, I want to dance or sing when I hear stirring music, but I don’t. Instead, I sing silently to myself or I tap my toes and sway a little bit.

How much of this “act your age” stuff do I impose upon my own self?

Quite a lot.

So here’s where I plan to start: When I find myself drawn to something, but I hold back, I’m going to explore why. If there’s no legitimate reason why not to do this, I’m going to release that belief and open up to what I was drawn to in the first place.

It might take a few tries, but consistently challenging those limiting beliefs and replacing them with new ones can be very effective.

This is not just about wearing mini-skirts, dyeing my hair purple or even dancing in public.

This is about me, you and each and every one of us listening most of all to what we are called to in every moment.

Wear what you want– no matter how old you are and regardless of what your body size is.
Dance, sing, run, jump and play– no matter where you are and who you are with.
Be with the people who make your heart sing– no matter what the age difference is between you.

This is about following your bliss, no matter what the rules say.

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