“Freedom’s in the state of mind…”
“Freedom ain’t a state like Maine or Virginia
Freedom ain’t across some county line
Freedom is a flame that burns within ya
Freedom’s in the state of mind”– Peter Udell, “Shenandoah”
There are days when I long for freedom.
I might feel chained to my computer on a warm Spring day. Or, maybe I’m craving travel to faraway places with no worries about the finances to pay for it, who will care for the pets, our home and if the rest of my family would enjoy the places I’d like to visit.
I love my kids, my husband, my extended family and friends, my pets, my home, my job and my life overall…but frequently I do not feel free.
Have you ever felt this way?
If you are dissatisfied with or even miserable about some aspect of your current life, you might feel stuck and long for freedom. The specific manifestations of freedom look different to us all, but the feeling of being completely unfettered is the same.
There are probably a whole string of people and conditions that seem to be holding you in this unwanted place if you are feeling unfree. This is where resentment and anger tend to manifest. When any of us feel held down and stuck, we often hold those around us responsible.
We desperately want to be free and we see the current conditions of our lives– including the people– as the big reason why we aren’t what or where we want to be.
Unfortunately, this perception and not so much the conditions and the people around us is what keeps us feeling stuck and chained down.
You may have experienced something like this…
Let’s say that you have a crappy job in which your co-workers are annoying or even mean, the pay is lousy and the work itself is deadening. Finally, after too long in this horrible job, you are hired for a different job.
Perhaps the new job does pay better and involves work that is more interesting– maybe your new co-workers seem okay too…for awhile. Then, after a period of time, it all becomes stale again. You find yourself feeling trapped and unhappy. again.
No matter how free your lifestyle may be, you will probably continue to feel trapped if you carry your “shackles” with you.
These shackles might look like your beliefs that life is always hard, that you don’t deserve happiness or freedom, that others will always disappoint you and let you down, that you can’t trust anyone else– including yourself and life itself, etc.
Freedom is a state of mind.
Find out what helps you feel free, joyful and full of life. A sports car zooming along a picturesque beach-front highway immediately comes to my mind.
Look around you and within you for this answer. I might not be in a place (yet) where this sports car scenario comes into my real-life experience, but I can still enjoy freedom in the meantime.
Here’s the key. Get to know what activities or new ways of thinking help you feel a little less stuck and little more free and then do more of those.
For starters, you might acknowledge– maybe for the first time– the notion that you could feel free to live the life you’ve always wanted to live and be the person you’re wanting to be, even without some radical change happening this very minute.
Change can certainly be freeing and it is sometimes necessary in order to move closer to the goals we each have. My point, however, is that freedom absolutely comes from within.
Freedom does not come from another person or a condition of life.
Remember that you are always making choices.
Break your habit of holding those around you responsible for your feeling of freedom (or lack thereof). You also don’t have to wait for some distant time in the future when everything will line up so that you can finally stop feeling chained down.
I know, it’s also not as easy as it sounds.
Many of us have children, aging parents, financial obligations and other people or things that we have to attend to.
While a year-long trip to the most exotic beaches in the world may not be in the picture for you in the near future, you can still tap into that freedom state of mind.
One way to start is to stop saying “yes” to every request that is made to you and stop volunteering yourself every time you feel like you “should” do something.
Stay true to you. This means that before you respond to a request or jump up and volunteer, you listen to yourself first.
This isn’t selfish because, as you probably already know, when you act from guilt or those damaging “shoulds,” you often later feel resentful. Those who you are trying to help can usually tell the difference between guilt-induced assistance and freely chosen assistance.
The next time that you feel stuck and chained down, remind yourself that it was a series of choices made by you that created your current situation.
Next, remember that you can make different choices to create something new…even if it is merely a new, freer, state of mind.
