“I haven’t got time for the pain…”
Have you ever wished that you could take a particularly painful memory from your past and simply erase it?
I have a few (or more) memories that, at times, I would love to be rid of. These are the images, feelings and beliefs related to events in my past that crop up and seem to ruin my whole day, week, month or even years.
Recently, I watched the movie “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” It tells the story of a man and woman who met, fell in love, argued, made love, argued some more and then broke up.
The woman– a self-described “impulsive” eccentric– has an obscure psychological procedure done to herself to literally remove all memories of the man from her mind after their breakup. When he finds out what she’s done, he undergoes the same procedure.
Wow! Can you imagine completely wiping away those unpleasant and traumatic memories– and maybe even your knowledge of the existence of whole people from your past?
It can seem alluring, especially when you are feeling trapped or bogged down by the pain and upset of something that occurred a long time ago (or even more recently).
But as the characters in the movie discovered, wiping away memories is neither completely fool-proof nor necessarily advisable.
Even “erased” memories can creep through.
There are ways that many of us attempt to “erase” memories of the painful past.
We might subconsciously block out what happened. This isn’t something we have easy access to or control over– because it is of the subconscious realm– but it is important to recognize. We might also try to deny or avoid dealing with upset related to particular memories.
No matter how hard you (or I) try, those blocked, avoided and denied memories can creep through anyway. The suppression might end up manifesting as relationship troubles, addictions, unwanted health conditions, panic attacks or in other ways.
If you follow the dots of your seemingly nonsensical dysfunctional behaviors and ailments, it’s highly likely that there’s a connection between them and your avoidance or attempted erasure of unresolved painful memories.
Acknowledge what comes up and creeps through.
You don’t have to relive the specific events of your past in order to stop avoiding them. Just be willing to recognize that what’s coming up and offer it your attention.
Something may trigger tears, anger or another response from you that– on the surface– makes no sense. This is your cue to pause and look deeper.
Even if you can’t locate a direct connection between the trigger and a specific past event of memory, acknowledge what you are feeling anyway.
What is perhaps most important is that you honor what you are feeling– even if it seems irrational or even crazy to you. Create a safe space for yourself and listen in to your inner self to know what you need from you right now.
At times like this, I often find that an image of my “little girl” self is wanting my attention. When I visualize her enveloped in love and I offer her support and acknowledgment of where she is, I almost always experience greater ease quite quickly.
You might not sense images of your past self. That’s ok.
Write in a journal, meditate, move your body, mold clay or sketch on paper. Figure out what helps you tap into that part of yourself that is attached to the past and offer love as well as a witnessing of what she or he is going through.
Taking the time to support and love that triggered part of you is actually a healthy and effective way to release the hold that the pain of the past seems to have over you. The attachment can significantly lessen and and truly fade into the background of your mind.
At some point, you might find yourself less easily moved to tears, anger or upset by particular triggers. You might even be able to see that even the traumatic and painful experiences you’ve had have played a role in helping you create the amazing and courageous person you are today.
